Acting

I hate reading the things that I write and thinking to myself, “Well, I’m pretty pathetic.” That pretty much sums up what I am; pathetic. I shouldn’t have the mind-set that I do, and I should be able to just pick up and move on with my life, but I can’t. It seems each entry here is in some way, shape or form stating that same thing: “I should be better but I’m not.”

I had a collective 28 grams of acetaminophen, and the leftover 300mg of citalopram I never took,  yesterday just chilling in front of me. I felt like a collector or something. Instead of stamps, fancy pens from around the world, or anything neat like that, I was collecting medication. My original intention was to just take the entirety. Of course, that would have meant a fifteen minutes of solid swallowing pills. (Considering the acetaminophen was a collective of four different bottles.)  But I’m not stupid. I’ve learned from my past mistakes. I would need some sort of barbiturate along with it to enhance the toxicity of the acetaminophen. And let’s face it, it’s near impossible to OD on citalopram. >_> That drug is seriously good for nothing. I don’t even know why I still have the leftover pills when I stopped taking them.

So instead of ingesting my little collection, I decided to just stare at it for a bit — almost feeling proud of myself. I had my own little collection of shiny little pills.  Of course, after a while I figured I’d better just put them back before anyone becomes suspicious when they are missing.

I quit my job at the Petro-Can before I even started.
I can’t do morning shifts.
I’m going to my interview at the Bay instead, if I don’t decide to get on the bus, say that I’m going to the interview, wait an hour downtown, then bus back home. I hate group interviews. I don’t see the point in them. I guess it’s because they want outgoing people to work for them — it’s the same as Chapters.

I’m no where near outgoing, but at least I can pretend. I’m really good at pretending. Maybe I should take up theatre or something, maybe it’s something I’d be good at. If I can get up in the morning, shower, get dressed up all nice, and go to an interview all the way along with this giant smile on my face, and lie convinceingly enough to give the apperarance that I’m outgoing, well I’m pretty sure I could fit into whatever role they needed in a theatre. Of course, I’d never do it. I did some acting back in my happier days. When I was in Grade 8, I was in the school play or whatever. Err, I guess it was just for people of Grade 8, but still. It was the only play the school had.  Run, Robber, Run it was called. I think I did rather decently, but the only thing I failed at was fake-slapping this chick in the face, which is what my character had to do. Bleh. Maybe my acting sucked afterall. Maybe I’m just good at pretending. Maybe all I’ve got is a vivid imagination.

I honestly, wish that I made more sense in these entries. Because then it wouldn’t hurt the heads of anyone happening to be reading.