Happy Day Of Birth To Sarcastic Narcissist

Happy Holy-Crap-You-Actually-Made-It-Through-19-Years-Of-Life to me.

I really don’t want to sound bitter, and all of that — because it is my birthday, it’s the one day I should be happy for no reason, just because it’s my special day sort of thing. But so far, the day just has not gone over well. It’s only 6AM, but I hardly got any sleep last night. It’s too hot. Even with the fan on. So I’ve reduced myself to taking meds again just so I’m able to sleep a bit. All of my “Friends” (you know, the ones who were just jumping over cars to see me when I visited home last month), are back home… and I’m up here. Sure, I’ve got some people to spend the day with here — but  it’s not the same.

My boyfriend is determined to make my day a good one. I’ve got a surprise in store later, and he says he’s going to be getting me some nice flowers as well. So maybe that’ll cheer me up. I’ve honestly never been with a guy who was nice enough to give me flowers (… even though I’ve constantly expressed interest in getting them before. >_>)

Then he’s taking me out to supper at this pub with good food and booze (which I can legally buy now). Should be interesting.

I really am trying to make the best of today — but it seems like I’ve got this block that prevents me from actually being happy about it, even though I really, want to be.

After all, I didn’t think I’d make it to see 17, let alone 19.

Humidity.

Humid days always have their way of making my body feel… heavy. It’s almost as if the moisture in the air collects itself inside of me and just pools. Shallow breathing, pounding head, staggering speech. I’m not a fan of the humid summer days.

I’ve got an interview for a part time job on Friday; The Bay. It’s only part time, so it shouldn’t be too extensive and stressful. And The Bay is a nice atmosphere, I’ve been there a couple times before. It’s a group interview, which are always a bit intimidating. I’m hoping it will be fine, I’ve done them before after all. We’ll have to see.

Tomorrow’s Canada Day. Should be interesting. I usually don’t do anything for the holiday, except for last year when a couple of friends and I set off some fireworks, went swimming, and did the generic “get together” type deal.  This year my boyfriend’s parents are having a little barbecue and then he’s taking me downtown to see the fireworks display they’ve got going on. Fireworks are always so pretty, so it should be nice.

So the start of July means I’m just that much closer to the end of the month, which is when I have my 19th birthday. My friends back home want me to bus back so that I can “get drunk small town style”, but I’m not entirely sure that’s what I want. I’m not a huge fan of the big party scene anymore. Sure, a year ago I was all for it — I’d drink whatever you’d put in my face and have a grand old time. But back then I wasn’t afraid of going outside in public for long periods on my own. Besides, I got a little upset when my boyfriend made it seem like me asking for him to spend a day away from his computer for my birthday, and he ended up saying that if it meant that much to me, that he wouldn’t mind doing that. I can’t just be like, “Oh, nevermind. I’m going back home to get drunk.” No, I don’t really want to do that.

I thought I had a lot more for this entry, but apparently I don’t. Maybe I will try again later.